down.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Usually, I write something on paper before posting it. It's easier and allows me to gather my thoughts before allowing the whole world to read them.
Today, though, there's no pre written post.
This has a very tough couple of weeks for me. I try to stay positive; it's just how I am. It's as though there's some unwritten rule stating I have to be upbeat and focus on the good. Today though, it's not possible.
I look at all the good in my life. I have a beautiful, smart, funny little girl, who truly loves me. Who tells me a million times a day that I am the best mommy ever. There's M, who is amazing in every way possible. He's my rock, my shoulder, my best friend. I have a wonderful job, with wonderful people. I have an awesome family, and lifeline of friends who truly care.
That should be more than enough, right?
Today, it doesn't feel like it.
I feel..almost empty. Like some chunk of happiness is missing.
A month or so ago, during an argument with the ex, he said something that stung. I know he said it out of spite, to hurt me. And I know that what he says should not matter at all. So I pretended it didn't hurt me, just smiled, said "same to you." But it freakin' kills.
Ahhh.
Workouts this last week have slacked a little. I'll blame that on the stress in my life.
I've been doing better on the food side of things though. I recently started a little recipe book of new/different food dishes and have been trying those. I've taken suggestions from you ladies, and have started doing more crockpot meals. I froze up some small portions of homemade lasagna too [which apparently won huge brownie points from M, ha.]
I just want to try to focus on the good. On not letting things stress me out as easily as they do. But most importantly, I want to be able to stop holding it all in. It's not healthy, for me or the people in my life.
Here's to trying.
7 comments:
It is really hard for me some weeks too. All I can say is your ex is a rude dude and you are greater than anything you could imagine. You just need to realize it :)
Start by smiling at yourself in the mirror....sounds nerdy, but it works!
*Hugs* I wish it was all easy, but take one day at a time and celebrate every small accomplishment towards your goal. You are blessed with such a beautiful daughter and remember that all changes and all that hard work is also for her.
I hope you have a great week and be sure to tweet if you want more support, or a good kick in the workout pants. :)
Make sure to reach out to your #mamavation community during times like these. That's what they are here for :) We all have blah yucky times, thankfully we can pick each other up when that happens! And here's a big hug from me!
HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGS!
Your ex is what my mother would call a total boob head. Seriously. Picture his head as a giant boob and a giant nipple/zit right in the middle of his forehead. Did it make you laugh? I hope so.
It's good that you realize holding things in isn't good for you, or your family. If you even need to let some of it out, I'm/the Sistahood is here for you!
Ugh. Ex's. Mine knows just what to say to me to knock me down. Ignore it or if it's something you feel might be true, address it within yourself. You take control of it, don't let him control you. You can do this. I know you can.
*HUGS* remember this joker is an ex for a reason. That does not take away what he said but hopefully adds to the perspective that you don't want to focus on his words. Have a better week. You don't always have to be positive but it seems to be one of the cornerstone's of your personality.
I know it's easier said than done but try not to focus on words said out of anger. They hurt the most but mean the least in the grand scheme of life. Focus on that beautiful little angel of yours instead :)
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