change.

I want to change the world. I want to make a difference.
I know it takes one step at a time. And that, sometimes, those steps are very, very small and barely noticeable. But, that's not the point.
The point is...

one day at a time. one step at a time.
everyday, every minute, somebody out there, is doing something good. Something amazing. Something so absolutely inspiring.

And, I want to be one of those people.

Sometimes, it's more than the simple action. It's the story behind such actions. Heart-felt, life changing, mind altering stories.

the stories leave me breathless.

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love.

I'm pretty sure I say this a lot, but I really feel like I'm finding myself.
My life has been full of hard times and such, most of which stem from bad decisions I've made for myself.
I wear my heart on my sleeve; I fall easily, and usually a little harder than I should. I see the good in everybody, and sometimes take it to the next level sooner than I really should. I think, really, I've never experienced that true love feeling that all the fairy tales talk about. I'd love to, no kidding you there. The see him across the room scene that all the love stories have; the ones where you just know. No questions. Just two people, falling in love.

I want that. Really, who wouldn't want that?
Fairy tales make it sound so easy. The prince just has to rescue the princess and bam! cue the happily ever after ending. It's nothing like that here in the real world. My prince charming's recusing involves a little more than battling some wicked step mother, evil queen, or crazy wannabe octopus. It's a lot more time consuming than a two hour disney movie, really.
And, so, I slow down. And give up a little.
I settle for less than I should.
And then, I end up right were I started.

So, this time? There is no settling.
Instead, this is a search for my happily ever after.

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little & simple

There's some beauty in the simplicity that comes alongside having a two year old. You learn, with kids, that it is usually the little things that mean the most.

Barney & Friends is on tv; one of Barney's friends makes a joke. For a good thirty minutes after the joke is said, it's the funniest thing ever.

She's looking for her yellow blanket. Mommy's a hero when she finds it [right where it was, and has been for the last day or two] and gets a million "oh, thank you mommy! I love you!" kisses.

We're sitting at the table, getting lunch ready and I tell her which sandwich is my favorite. She grins her little grin and says "that's mine too!" as though sharing a favorite with mommy is the best thing to ever happen.

Something as simple as finding two matching cards during a round of the matching game makes her day.

It's amazing.
& honestly, I wouldn't change any piece of it, for anything.

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change.

Unlike much of the general population, I keep to myself. I'm not at all the talkative type, instead, I'm quiet.
I think, a lot, but usually keep my thoughts to myself. It's how I've grown to be.

A lot of it stems from the fact that I've had some relationships that resulted in me getting things I said, in confidence, thrown back in my face.
Even more of it stems in the fact that I'm just quiet. It's how I am.

Changing how a person has been, especially for such a long time, is so much easier said than done. It's a challenging process, especially when you aren't even sure where, or how, to start. And that, right there, is my problem.

I want to change, but in this case, wanting just isn't enough. Trying doesn't seem to be either, as that's left me right where I started.

Here's to hoping 2010 brings me that change, huh?

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